Hey, Global Warming?  Yeah, I'm talking to you, *****!

We've got a serious problem.  I was content to let you wreak havoc with bird's migratory patterns and marginalize a few arctic foxes.   Most of them taste like shit anyway.  But now you've gone too far.

Did you really think I was going to let you mess with beer?

Climatologist Martin Mozny, who is easily among my top ten favorite Czech climatogists, has just warned the world that increasing temperatures are diminishing the potency of their hops.  They've been funding this research for over 50 years, so you know Czech scientists have their priorities straight.

Beer Scientist: Still second best job behind Stuntcock

You may not have realized hops are the ingredient that makes beer capable of matching the bitterness of its wage-laboring consumers, but that's too bad.  You've just called down the thunder of angry, drunken (but not quite as drunken as they'd like) mob.

We will take to the streets.  We will organize.  More imporantly, we will whine really loudly to our elected officials and demand they pull more money away from schools to fix this.  To fix YOU.  Here are some of the initiatives I'll be proposing:

1) Adopt A Hop Program

Every citizen not keen on being labeled an enemy of the state will share their home's air conditioning with a suitably apportioned crop of hops:

You gotta admit, it really ties the room together

2) Operation Punch-Back First

At this point it's a given that the polar ice caps are done for. I say why give global warming the satisfaction?  We can stick it to global warming and save our beer with the simple application of a glacier harvest.  I've got it all planned out in this schematic: